Wind Blows Where
by Maeve Forest Sage
Summary: Who knows where the wind blows, it's knowing and showing that it always knows. This will get quite interesting. Yuffie and Hojo fic, there were none so i decided to do one. And no! they arent being paired! Eww! eww eww eww!


A/N and DISCLAIMER

I'm making Hojo to be some sort of sadistic guy,

I don't know why.

Now I'm talking in rhyme,

But Final fantasy is not mine.

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Wind blows where

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Walking down the street was a white lab man, he was a white lab man because he worked in a place with lots of other white lab men… he doesn't anymore. He is now a hobo living in the streets of a place he doesn't know because every time he tries to ask a person where he is, they scream and shout, 'AAAHH! IT'S THAT MANIAC WHO'S TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!'

Of course, I don't recognize any similarities between them, other than the fact that they are both pretty much insane.

If you don't know who or what I'm talking about than you are probably thinking either I am crazy; it's Sephiroth or you're just reading this fic and not really paying any attention to the world around you or your thoughts. Or maybe you just think something else.

But, either way, this fic has a plot. All stories have a plot, unless it is the story of how the opposite sex asked you out this morning. In which case you would pretty be bubbling and frothing at the mouth… but meh, who can understand these humans? I am one too by the way, I don't know why… in fact, I don't know why I rebel against machines and most stuff that is man-made or has chemicals in it, and I don't know why I just wrote this paragraph. Anyway, no sense erasing what I just wrote.

So, to carry on the story, Hojo was "innocently" skipping along the road. Why, you ask is the "mad scientist" so happy? It is because he has found a bottle of whisky and is about to celebrate with the love of his life, the gutter. After he has finished gallivanting off to find a new place where he can hold a festival with a squirrel, he takes a detour to find his best friend, the Marshwiggie. If I said Marshwiggle it would be an infringement thing on C.S Lewis and I don't think this sentence made much sense but anyway.

It wasn't a Marshwiggie, it was a human, surprisingly, a female human, (But Hojo didn't know that) who was called the Marshwiggie. She smoked second hand (whatever that is) and reeked of alcohol and various other oddities that no one would dare mention. Marshwiggie was nickname so, because whenever a guy went over to kiss her, he would smell her unpleasant odour and shiftily move away. Not that anyone would want to kiss her anyway.

Hojo walked down the slope and met his Marshwiggie, whom he thought was a guy, though he doesn't exactly know why. Marshwiggie talked to him about the planets because she said she was abducted by alien space ships and they told her to eat a cookie.

A puffy cookie. A cookie that was 7 times as big as her mouth. The aliens told her to eat the cookie as was mentioned above. She ate a tiny bit. The aliens bade her eat it in one bite. The aliens were puffy and white. They had a big mouth and looked like black wraiths but coloured white. She ate it whole. She blew up. End of story? Well, not quite.

They reincarnated her then made her eat the pouffy cookie again. She blew up.

They reincarnated her and made her eat a limegreen catabug. She vomited.

They resurrected the puked up catabug and squashed it again.

They gave her a gluestick… She gave it back to them.

They gave her paint… She painted them black because it was a little easier on the eyes.

They fed her another poofy cookie again. She exploded.

They showed her a picture of a poofy cookie. She feinted.

The aliens chucked her off their ship and started shouting obscenities at her because she stank, why they didn't realize it before, no one knows. They cursed her for messing up their ship, she didn't care. She went back to her box and slept.

The Aliens didn't know what to do because their ship was in tatters. Sadly, the aliens went on a fun adventure… until they blew up that is. Then they all lived happily ever after in the promised land.

Zzzzzz…zzzzzz…zzzzzz….

BEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP!

Zzzzzzzzzzz…

"…"

Hojo sighed. It must've been another one of her dreams. Now, she was off in slumber land again, concocting up another delightful tale to tell. Marshwiggie slept a lot. Hojo wondered when he was going to break free of the cage of poordom.

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It was another day. Hojo crept out of his box and headed for a posh hotel because he felt like it. He sat near the entrance looking sad and depressed. Now he knew why he was there. He wanted money. He wanted donations. He wanted sympathy. But, no, they weren't going to give him what he wanted. Just…

"AAAHHHH! THERE'S A BUG ON MY FOOT!"

Great… a day in the life of a rich person would be sooo boring. No matter what they say. Although, it can be quite interesting depending on certain things.

Black men… I mean, white men in black suits came out of the building, hoisting a kid of about seventeen down the stairs. A creepy blonde woman and a nasty looking guy stood above the outcast with grim written all over their unsmiling faces.

"I didn't mean it…" she bawled. "My hand slipped…" Now this would be funny if it weren't quite so serious, Hojo thought.

"Well, well, well," a sneering voice interrupted his thoughts. "If it isn't Professor Hojo."

"Reno," Hojo nodded, recognizing the young red head from his previous job.

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ANL: We don't know what happened during this gap in time because Reno decidedly messed it up. We apologise for this inconvenience but the show must go on.

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Yuffie woke up not where she wanted to be. It was damp, it was cold and it was smelly. It seems she had hit her head too. A very dirty person walked up to her and caressed the back of head where the bump was. Yuffie winced and the person took it away again.

"are you okay?" the person asked. "How are you feeling?" the questions were cut off by another brusque voice.

"Do you really have to care for every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes up our way?" Hojo asked. "She could be Sephiroth for all you know."

At this, Yuffie jumped up and brandished a dagger at Hojo's crotch.

"I am very well informed of my gender, thank you very much. And I don't take kindly to people who think I am the one who I killed last year."

Hojo's mouth dropped. "You… you killed Sephiroth! YOU!" he yelled loudly. "YOU killed my baby…" he started off shouting then was reduced to a pathetic whimper as he started to cry. He curled up in a fetal position and weeped.

"Please forgive Hojo, he gets very sentimental at times."

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I just wanted to make a Hojo and Yuffie fic. :P

Please read and review what you thought of this. I think it might have dragged on a bit and is a tiny bit boring. I might continue it, it depends on how many people like it. I do have a plot in mind though.


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